Tag: writer

What am I doing here?

So, as the title asks, this is something I have been thinking lately. What are my goals and why are they my goals? More and more as these days go by, I see that I spend my time thinking on how I can improve on my social media presence vs how can I just be. 

I guess It would be great if I can adopt the field of dreams concept, “if you build it, they will come”. First off, I would like to say I am extremely grateful for accomplishing 2 of my primary goals in life. One is publishing a book, and two, my writing having a positive impact in someone’s life. A person who I barely knew stated, after reading my book, they were reminded why they loved to read. I was like whoa, that’s heavy. It felt nice that my book had that kind of impact on someone.

It has been a struggle for me to get to this stage. I never really considering a career in writing. As far back as I can remember, I did it for the love and enjoyment. I have been sitting on my book for over 10 years. Many times, it was my life line when things got rough. I never set out to be the greatest writer of all time. I have a passion for storytelling. In my early years, I wanting to work in the movie industry simply to be around creative people and be a part of what I called something special. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have done a lot of things in life that I am proud of, including having a successful graphic design company for 6 years before I decided to change directions. Unfortunately, with my writing, I waited so long to decide to throw caution to the wind and get my hands dirty. There are thousands upon thousands of talented writers out there. The sheer though can be intimidating, which brings me to my original thought. We all crave to have our voice heard and strive for purpose. If you remember from one of my previous blogs, impacting someone life positively is like a drug to me. With all that said, I am grateful to those of you who find the time to read my thoughts, especially if you choose to follow me. I would hope that you follow because you find value in the content that I produce. 

If I am to be honest, I am doing all of this so that I can give some insight to who I am and to bring awareness to my novels. If you like what you are seeing/reading, then I am sure that you would love my book. My stories are a reflection of me. While its difficult to bring originality, I would like to believe that the content that I release is as original as I can create it. I have created a world from the ground up, as a matter of fact, you can say I started at the beginning, the proverbial big bang.

I welcome everyone to give my work a chance and see if it’s something you can get down with. Speaking from my inner being, I rather keep you entertained with my novels then thinking of ways to stay relevant on social media. Not that I don’t enjoy making a statement that makes you think or laugh. My goal is to take you to another world where you can experience those things and more. Much love to those who continue to support and help fuel the flame of my desires.

Thankful or appreciative

Howdy howdy howdy, it’s been a couple days since I blogged about anything. Like most, I do go through periods of the meh… Keeping motivated can be a choir at times, especially when you have big goals and you wonder if you will achieve them. With that said this post is inspired by a question I ask myself from time to time. To be thanked or appreciated. We all know words have different weight to them, and you often hear, words have power or choose your words wisely. The messenger in the movie 300 learned this the hard way. “This is Sparta!” was the last words he heard before being kicked into the pit from which no one returns.

You may say, well these things are the same. In some instance they can be but from my perspective, I find that I thank people often, and I rarely say I appreciate you. I have made it my goal to let people know that I appreciate them, here is why. 

When I think of the concept of thankful, I think of telling someone, great job, or more like a pat on the back. It’s something that you say to a person when you want to let them know they did something nice or something that is more like an average pleasantry. It’s to let someone know that you acknowledge them. I mean we say thank you whenever someone sneezes, and they say bless you. Thank you to me, holds a weight or meaning of something nice but average. I don’t feel special when someone says thank you. I realized that if I feel this way, maybe others also feel the same.

I decided to that I needed another way to express my sincere feelings to those who make a difference in my life. To me, when you tell someone I appreciate you, it sends a very different message. In my opinion it means that you acknowledge a person but also lets them know that they have a meaning beyond purpose. I will relate my definition in true fashion of my blogs and relate them to the book.

As an author starting out, we are hungry for reviews. When we finally get one, especially if it’s a nice review, we feel emotionally attached it to, because of what it can do for us. The fact that someone gave our work a chance. The feeling that this one review can make the difference. I am willing to bet that the feeling you have is so great that you want to name your next born after that person because you appreciate the efforts this individual has put into you. On the other hand, let say we fast forward and now you get reviews by the crap load, do you feel the same way you did about those first few? I tend to believe that the emotion dies down and while you are thankful for those reviews, I don’t believe you are still appreciative because its less special now. 

I want to remind myself that it is important to always appreciate the people in our lives no matter what level we are in our status. It is quite easy to be appreciative and then become thankful. Neither are bad, however, to the recipient of the two, one is always much more substantial and will always allow that person to feel important to you rather than just another person in your life.

Lastly, I stated all of this so you, the reader of this blog or any of my content, can know that I genuinely appreciate you for being a part of this portion of my journey with following my dreams and believing that it’s never too late to do what you enjoy the most.

The heart wants what the heart wants

desire 2

In keeping in spirits with quotes from my novels. I decided to title this blog. The heart wants what the heart wants. Now before anyone go and say, “that’s not an original quote,” I am sure at some point in existence someone has stated these exact words. This has been a phrase that has been with me for as long as I can remember becoming self-aware.

While working on Children of Adaban Legacy Book Two, one of the four main characters is all about following her feelings that stems from the desires of her heart. These desires are something that is not considered acceptable by those around her. She is led by this quote as it is one of the last things her father states to her before sacrificing himself in the hopes of her survival.

This statement holds a deep meaning for me as it is also something that many can relate to. We all too often make decisions based on our desires even if those choices steer us down to the deepest and darkest abyss. I compare desire to an addictive drug habit. There are times where we may realize that a desire may prove to be unsafe, unhealthy, or just not wise. It is extremely difficult to purge these emotions, they feel like a perpetual unquenchable need.

Desires can be considered something that inspires wonderful or great ideas but can also be associated with things that are considered taboo or unspeakable. Whatever one’s desires are, we can all agree that when it’s something that a person wants and it turns into a burning desire, there is very little that anyone can to do dissuade an individual from them. I believe we all have such desires and while some, we choose to act upon, others we keep buried deep down inside for fear of what those around us may think.

Unfortunately, depending on where you live in the world your desires may be praised or frowned upon. I find that this is a topic most would dare to stay away from because this can go so many directions which typically leads people to thoughts of morality or political correctness.

While I pride myself in my ability to never judge anyone and always try to be the one who wants to understand the “why” behind things, I often find myself making statements like, as long as that person is not causing harm to another or impeding on anyone else’s rights as a human being, let them be. Again, this type of blog or way of thinking can go so many directions and its not my intentions to say what I think it good or bad, wright or wrong. Its just to give my thoughts on the idea that the heart wants what the heart wants and that we are all its victims.

Who are we really?

“I am alone, and in my seclusion, I find solace. In a world where I hold no ties to anything of note or care to, can I truly be free? In the great void amongst a world of substance without substance, I am alone. I am per­fectly fine in that great nothingness and wish to no longer be disturbed.” -Sanai-

This a quote from my novel and found at the start of the book of Sanai. The characters in my novel all represents an emotion or rather yet, a mentality that we have all felt at one point or the other. Sanai is a person who is led by her faith. While she does harbor care for humanity, over time she slowly begins to succumb to the reality of life and view her world for what it really is vs what has been taught to her.

                Personally, this is something that I feel we all experience. As we get older or as our own ideology matures, we begin to view the world differently. If you were to find out a truth that shatters everything you believe in, then you would be faced with the realization that everything you stood for or believe in was built upon someone else’s version of the truth and maybe not actual truths. How do you suppose you would deal with that sort of situation?

                As we grow and explore our world, we begin to realize that it Is based upon an idea. Weather that idea is something that you hold dear or completely oblivious to, it exists. When you think about it, I mean really think it over, just about everything we know has been passed down from generation to generation. Each culture has their own set of beliefs and way of life. If it was not for invading forces that successfully stomped out less protected civilizations, we may have a very different view of our word. Unfortunately, ideas are passed on and assimilated. Ultimately, as a human being, we should challenge ourselves to always be open minded and not let ourselves get bogged down by someone else’s version of our reality.

Next Stop

                So, I was mowing through gobs of random poems and came across one in particular that had an interesting yet unusual source of inspiration. In my younger days, (*face palm*) man I feel old now that I said younger days. Any ways, when I was in middle school, I had to take public transportation to and from school. On the way home the bus driver would always yell out “next stop.” This would help to ensure that the kids on the bus would pay attention to the stops so they would not miss theirs.

                With that said I was in the process of ending, for the second time with the same girl, a relationship which lasted for about five years. The relationship was over all not bad, just in the end we were just two different people on two very different paths. In this particular relationship, I wrote a poem at ever major milestone while we were together. I really cared for her and wanted to express myself in a way that I felt was from the heart. Thinking of the time we shared and the fact we were parting, the words next stop ranged boldly in my mind and gave me the spark I needed to express myself.

                Reading over the poem gives me a bit of a warm feeling as I connect with an emotional point in my life that left a lasting impression. While I do realize that it is not some prize-winning poem, at its core it was something that was very special to me and that is all that matters.

Last Stop

Next stop, a whisper is all I hear,

Next stop, our journey’s end together is almost near.

Next stop, who would have known,

Next stop, we both have grown.

Next stop, before we part,

Next stop, I embrace you before we part.

Next stop, the sound becomes louder and clearer,

Next stop, I wish you well, and much success even though I won’t be there.

Next stop, I know you will do wonderful things,

Next stop, I hope you achieve many of your dreams.

Next stop, I apologies for the unhappiness I may have caused,

Next stop, many thanks for the joys you have provided I think and pause.

Next stop, I wish there was more time,

Next stop, there are not enough words I can use to express from my mind.

Next stop, again is all I hear,

Next stop, I am able to continue on knowing that you will be ok with no fear.

Next stop, your destination has been called,

Next stop, I’ll walk you to the edge, and smile as you get off

Next stop, I’ll watch you walk away,

Next stop, don’t you worry any I’ll be okay.

Next stop, is not what I would want my thoughts and last words of you I hear,

Next stop, so I’ll take all the memories I have of us, you, and hold them dear.