What am I doing here?

So, as the title asks, this is something I have been thinking lately. What are my goals and why are they my goals? More and more as these days go by, I see that I spend my time thinking on how I can improve on my social media presence vs how can I just be.

I guess It would be great if I can adopt the field of dreams concept, “if you build it, they will come”. First off, I would like to say I am extremely grateful for accomplishing 2 of my primary goals in life. One is publishing a book, and two, my writing having a positive impact in someone’s life. A person who I barely knew stated, after reading my book, they were reminded why they loved to read. I was like whoa, that’s heavy. It felt nice that my book had that kind of impact on someone.

It has been a struggle for me to get to this stage. I never really considering a career in writing. As far back as I can remember, I did it for the love and enjoyment. I have been sitting on my book for over 10 years. Many times, it was my life line when things got rough. I never set out to be the greatest writer of all time. I have a passion for storytelling. In my early years, I wanting to work in the movie industry simply to be around creative people and be a part of what I called something special.

Don’t get me wrong, I have done a lot of things in life that I am proud of, including having a successful graphic design company for 6 years before I decided to change directions. Unfortunately, with my writing, I waited so long to decide to throw caution to the wind and get my hands dirty. There are thousands upon thousands of talented writers out there. The sheer though can be intimidating, which brings me to my original thought. We all crave to have our voice heard and strive for purpose. If you remember from one of my previous blogs, impacting someone life positively is like a drug to me. With all that said, I am grateful to those of you who find the time to read my thoughts, especially if you choose to follow me. I would hope that you follow because you find value in the content that I produce.

If I am to be honest, I am doing all of this so that I can give some insight to who I am and to bring awareness to my novels. If you like what you are seeing/reading, then I am sure that you would love my book. My stories are a reflection of me. While its difficult to bring originality, I would like to believe that the content that I release is as original as I can create it. I have created a world from the ground up, as a matter of fact, you can say I started at the beginning, the proverbial big bang.

I welcome everyone to give my work a chance and see if it’s something you can get down with. Speaking from my inner being, I rather keep you entertained with my novels then thinking of ways to stay relevant on social media. Not that I don’t enjoy making a statement that makes you think or laugh. My goal is to take you to another world where you can experience those things and more. Much love to those who continue to support and help fuel the flame of my desires.

Marathon girl

Found this, while trolling through my collection of relationship poems I have written in the past.

Marathon girl

We prepare, for the long challenge ahead,

steadfast, mind clear, focused on the goal instead

Without thought of the unknown we begin to vision the course of the move,

Not fully sure of the twist and turns that lay before us with much to prove.

It starts with a step, then another, then another until we begin to walk,

The pace escalates faster and faster, not much time to talk.

With every placement of one foot in front of the other,

We seem to move in sync, oblivious to pot holes and gutters.

By now it’s no longer a slow and steady stride,

It’s now something more, yes more, as the winds of life begin to fly by.

The pace increases faster and faster to the surprise of many,

More bumps, more cracks, more detours, enough to call them plenty.

From walk, to stride, from stride to jog and soon to run,

Many years and tears, and fears, are overcome.

Without any warning or notice the wall we do hit,

But perseverance and determination we must keep going, we must not quit.

With every ounce of strength and through sheer will of heart,

We pick up again, once again we move as both of our feet do part.

How long will this marathon of life we have enter will last or we will see through,

I can’t say for certain but I’ll continue to run it with you.

Thankful or appreciative

Howdy howdy howdy, it’s been a couple days since I blogged about anything. Like most, I do go through periods of the meh… Keeping motivated can be a choir at times, especially when you have big goals and you wonder if you will achieve them. With that said this post is inspired by a question I ask myself from time to time. To be thanked or appreciated. We all know words have different weight to them, and you often hear, words have power or choose your words wisely. The messenger in the movie 300 learned this the hard way. “This is Sparta!” was the last words he heard before being kicked into the pit from which no one returns.

You may say, well these things are the same. In some instance they can be but from my perspective, I find that I thank people often, and I rarely say I appreciate you. I have made it my goal to let people know that I appreciate them, here is why.

When I think of the concept of thankful, I think of telling someone, great job, or more like a pat on the back. It’s something that you say to a person when you want to let them know they did something nice or something that is more like an average pleasantry. It’s to let someone know that you acknowledge them. I mean we say thank you whenever someone sneezes, and they say bless you. Thank you to me, holds a weight or meaning of something nice but average. I don’t feel special when someone says thank you. I realized that if I feel this way, maybe others also feel the same.

I decided to that I needed another way to express my sincere feelings to those who make a difference in my life. To me, when you tell someone I appreciate you, it sends a very different message. In my opinion it means that you acknowledge a person but also lets them know that they have a meaning beyond purpose. I will relate my definition in true fashion of my blogs and relate them to the book.

As an author starting out, we are hungry for reviews. When we finally get one, especially if it’s a nice review, we feel emotionally attached it to, because of what it can do for us. The fact that someone gave our work a chance. The feeling that this one review can make the difference. I am willing to bet that the feeling you have is so great that you want to name your next born after that person because you appreciate the efforts this individual has put into you. On the other hand, let say we fast forward and now you get reviews by the crap load, do you feel the same way you did about those first few? I tend to believe that the emotion dies down and while you are thankful for those reviews, I don’t believe you are still appreciative because its less special now.

I want to remind myself that it is important to always appreciate the people in our lives no matter what level we are in our status. It is quite easy to be appreciative and then become thankful. Neither are bad, however, to the recipient of the two, one is always much more substantial and will always allow that person to feel important to you rather than just another person in your life.

Lastly, I stated all of this so you, the reader of this blog or any of my content, can know that I genuinely appreciate you for being a part of this portion of my journey with following my dreams and believing that it’s never too late to do what you enjoy the most.

The heart wants what the heart wants

desire 2

In keeping in spirits with quotes from my novels. I decided to title this blog. The heart wants what the heart wants. Now before anyone go and say, “that’s not an original quote,” I am sure at some point in existence someone has stated these exact words. This has been a phrase that has been with me for as long as I can remember becoming self-aware.

While working on Children of Adaban Legacy Book Two, one of the four main characters is all about following her feelings that stems from the desires of her heart. These desires are something that is not considered acceptable by those around her. She is led by this quote as it is one of the last things her father states to her before sacrificing himself in the hopes of her survival.

This statement holds a deep meaning for me as it is also something that many can relate to. We all too often make decisions based on our desires even if those choices steer us down to the deepest and darkest abyss. I compare desire to an addictive drug habit. There are times where we may realize that a desire may prove to be unsafe, unhealthy, or just not wise. It is extremely difficult to purge these emotions, they feel like a perpetual unquenchable need.

Desires can be considered something that inspires wonderful or great ideas but can also be associated with things that are considered taboo or unspeakable. Whatever one’s desires are, we can all agree that when it’s something that a person wants and it turns into a burning desire, there is very little that anyone can to do dissuade an individual from them. I believe we all have such desires and while some, we choose to act upon, others we keep buried deep down inside for fear of what those around us may think.

Unfortunately, depending on where you live in the world your desires may be praised or frowned upon. I find that this is a topic most would dare to stay away from because this can go so many directions which typically leads people to thoughts of morality or political correctness.

While I pride myself in my ability to never judge anyone and always try to be the one who wants to understand the “why” behind things, I often find myself making statements like, as long as that person is not causing harm to another or impeding on anyone else’s rights as a human being, let them be. Again, this type of blog or way of thinking can go so many directions and its not my intentions to say what I think it good or bad, wright or wrong. Its just to give my thoughts on the idea that the heart wants what the heart wants and that we are all its victims.

Writer’s voice

I received probably one of the best pre-reviews so far. Those who know me understand that my goal was to perfect my writing style to reflect one thing. I wanted my readers to feel as though they were watching a movie. Much like what happens when you read subtitles. You forget you are reading.

I painstakingly removed as much narrative as humanly possible without losing context. So, every time I hear feedback like what I will share further down, it warms my heart because I was able to accomplish something dear to me with my works.

I was told things like, “I don’t think you have found your writers voice” due to my style of not following traditions. I remember someone jokingly asked, “are you writing a movie or a book, because you have a beautiful script not a book” as to say I should rethink how I choose to share my craft.

I took every criticism as a positive, which helped me to understand I need a way to blend the traditional with who I am. As an artist, we constantly evolve to better versions of ourselves.

One of my dearest friends passed my book to his mother in law, someone whom I have had no prior contact with, and asked what did she think so far…

“I’m enjoying Children of Adaban so far. On pg 40. To me, it’s good cuz it reads like a movie. Very descriptive & a minimum of violence. I LIKE it!! It seems very futuristic but the dialogue is in today’s language so it’s relatable. I’m now thinking of impending romance developing between Lesant , Beliza & the new, younger female they just found (whose parents were killed). I’m enjoying it. Should be mandatory reading in schools.”

With that said, as a writer we are always on the hunt for our writer’s voice. As I have stated time and time again, I am at the beginning of my journey. Feedback like that helps to validate my own personal goals and gives me the courage to continue to fight the good fight as I contented with the immense number of talented artist out there.

To everyone who dare to have their writing be different or not follow the norm, never give up on your style. Writing is an art form and don’t worry because others will get you!

Pushing through

So, I have not written anything in some days. I Have been busy researching and working on putting together the information for my Kickstarter campaign that’s coming soon.

With that said, emotionally, it has been a pretty up and down week and I guess as blogs go, the message for the blog today is pushing through the moments of doubt.

As an artist, I believe that most of us share a similar personality where we have self-doubt or moments of wondering if anyone else will “get me”. Even when things are seemingly good, I have my moments of what the heck am I doing, or moments of being unhappy for almost no apparent reason. Well there is always a reason and its usually from the lack of feeling fulfilled. For me this is all the start of a journey and while I hope that people will enjoy my work, I find that I am all to concerned with having something great enough that people will want to talk about or refer others to.

I try to remind myself that every journey is that, a journey. There is no good or bad. There is no success or fail. At the heart of it all, its about doing something you love and finding the pleasure in the process. For some that process is a bit easier, but even those of us who have to struggle and fight for every review or validation the feeling is all the same. From speaking with my peers, most artist I have had the pleasure to converse with, go through this cycle no matter how successful one may be.

My personal take is that artist typically suffer in one form or the other, and out of that suffering can come greatness even if that artist is not aware. One of my favorite underrated movies of my time is Lady in the Water by M. Night Shyamalan. I loved the message and I think most artist can identify with it. Without giving away any spoilers, the way the story played out for the writer in the story speaks volumes to me. Just keep pushing and do what’s in your heart. Take pleasure in knowing that you are following your dream. Who knows, you may have an impact on someone else who turn to your work for a moment of happiness when they need it the most.